


don't tell me 'cause it hurts

by RosaNautica



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Doubt, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-08-09 14:28:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16451621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RosaNautica/pseuds/RosaNautica
Summary: Guys having some doubts - legitimate or not?





	don't tell me 'cause it hurts

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Everything in this work is purely fictional and is by no means meant to disrespect or harm anyone's feelings or reputation.

“I lo…”

Lance kissed him with a strange urge. As if to shut him up. And it wasn´t the first time. Now Ocon got fed up. As his friend pulled away, he tried again:

“Lance, I lov…”

“Don't,” Stroll said in dull, tired voice. Here we go… He closed his eyes, took a deep breath. “I know what you're doing and I don't give a damn, but… just don't say  _that_.”

“Wha… what am I doing?” the Frenchman asked, clueless. And after an uncomfortably long moment of silence, which saw Lance lift a corner of his mouth in a mix of depreciable, sad and ironic manner, the Williams driver replied:

“Trying to get yourself a seat.”

“Of course I am! But what does it… have to…” Esteban trailed off, freed his hands from Stroll's. “Seriously, Lance?” his voice gone cold and flat. “I noticed you were being a prick lately, but I didn't think you were  _such_  a prick…” Without giving him another look, he walked off, leaving Stroll alone with his inner mess.

 

*

 

Lance:  _Can we talk pls? I rly need to see u asap_

Tebi <3:  _Ok. My room? Just come anytime_

Lance:  _20mins?_

Tebi <3:  _Ok_

Lance:  _Thx :*_

 

“I'm so, so sorry,” he began instead of a hi. Esteban pulled him into the room. “I'm really sor…”

“Shh, me too. I mean, if you felt like I was doing it to get a seat, maybe I was messing up, too?”

“No. No, it's just… it's me,” Lance said shakily. “You know, you are… better, a better driver, a better person, better looking, and so smart and funny and… they're right, you know… I'm a piece of crap compared to you,” now he was actually crying, sliding down against the wall, head in his hands, and Ocon had no idea what to do with him. He squatted and stroked his hair. “I know it's not fair, but I don't have a word in this, Tebi. It's all about politics, they pay money even I can hardly imagine,” he laughed neurotically, “and it's beyond anything I or whoever else want…”

“But Lance, I never asked you to get me a drive, what are you even talking about?!”

“I wanted to get it for you… because you deserve it and…”

“Oh c'mon,” Esteban dropped on his knees and pulled him in a hug.

“…and I thought you… were expecting me to, because… you know, it's my father, but it's… if I could, I would have you for a teammate, believe me, I would love to, but… it's not my choice, and the only seat you could get is mine – and I can't… I'm sorry, I…”

“Oh my God, are you crazy?” Esteban shook him. “Are you  _fricking_   _crazy_ , Lance? You can't even think of giving away your seat, never, never ever! And I would never take it, for God's sake! You worked for it just as hard as I did, and you deserved it just as I do. Lance,” he cradled the Canadian, stroking his back, “Lance, Lance… who do you think I am? Look at me,” his kissed his temple, pulling his hair softly, “look at me, Lance.” Once he had a pair of puffed dark hazel eyes locked with his, Ocon cupped his wet cheek. “I never wanted your money, or your Dad's influence, I only wanted  _you_.  _Before_  we made it up to here, if you remember… And I still want only you. And you're far from crap, understand? Speed and skills don't define you as a person. And I love you as a person, not as a driver. I love you, got it?”

Stroll nodded with a gulp, leaning into the touch, and Esteban, eyes squeezed shut, held him to his chest, whispering loving reassurances to clear his own conscience.

Everyone wavers at some point of his life. Lance shall just never know how close he was to truth.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked this little piece (written before Checo was officially confirmed) :) in any case a feedback would be highly appreciated!


End file.
